Yes, Chain Letters....the things that make you want to say "OMFG I WANT
TO FUCKING @#^#%&**(^#$! FUCKING *%#&^@#! MOTHER (^!*#@ fucking"...Etc.
Yes, there are worse things than the word "Fuck"
This is a reply I wrote to the last person that kept forwarding those stupid
childish fucking chain letters. Notice the date, I haven't received any since
I sent this message. If you forward something to me it better be
important, fuckers, or you'll get something similar to this:
if you don't quit sending me those fucking forwards, I'm going to shoot
you in the head with my sheep powered ray gun. I'm serious.... you're a
pathetic loser and if you believe that those piece of shit forwards are
true or make any sence, you are officially going to hell
-ace
Just a warning...so read this and see just exactly what you should
NOT send to me, or anyone else for that matter.
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Chain Letter Type #1:
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Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty,
here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number
of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then
thrown off a really tall building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because,
you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
Send this to 1 person:
One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people:
2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people:
5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 10-20 people:
10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 20 to 1,000,000 people:
20 to 1,000,000 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type #2:
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Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who
has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life
could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Orphan Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters
sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people
in the next 2 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people,
you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
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Chain Letter Type #3:
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Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters.
So this is how it works. Pass this on to 50 people in the next 7 seconds
or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1:
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped on a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2:
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it.
Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some
people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued
to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens
every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.
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Chain Letter Type #4:
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As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
loser "friends" if they send it back, that means you're not on their "People
To Kill Today" list.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
loser life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no, sorry that's the
cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he/she
wants their wish of their crush sucking their schlong to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!
There... Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter,
ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna
make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen)
or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just
delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say what
Nicko Bobarino says... "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"
